Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
