"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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