Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
