question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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