Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
