just come out here and I will go home with you...
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
