I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
