That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
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He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
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He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize