her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
