Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
