i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
