Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
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