She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
