All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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