so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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