bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
