anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
