what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
