I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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