the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
