She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
