'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
