As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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