Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
