You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I faked an abortion last night.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
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