and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
