Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
