Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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