I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
