well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
