Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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