would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
