He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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