I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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