maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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