If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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