Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
