I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
