I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
please come you make the beer taste better
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize