i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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