you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
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Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
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There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.