I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
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I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
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Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet