i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
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Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
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We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal