I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.