I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.