I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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