3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
