They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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