she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
How external is "for external use only"?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
