Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i will never coherently bang her
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My life is pants optional.
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