He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
