Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
