I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
