I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
