So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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