So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
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Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
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I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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