Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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