I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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