It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
