she smelled like a LAN party
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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